Posted in Blogging

The Wife’s Perspective

We Are Done from the Wife’s Point of View…

If you have read my husband’s post WE ARE DONE, then you know what lead up to him saying we are done. While I don’t disagree with his post, my views are a little different.

The last 8 years of this journey have completely drained me. When this all started, I was the only one dealing with the attorneys, the FBI, the cops, the clerks at the courthouse. I didn’t know the “right” things to ask, and I was more “trusting” back then. If someone said that they would do something or take care of it, I believed them. I have learned that the only way to get anything done is to do it yourself. However, that isn’t always possible when dealing with the FBI, attorneys, etc.

To say that my family has suffered in the last 8 years would not be a lie. I felt that my job was to handle all of this, but not let it affect my kids in a negative capacity. I didn’t want this ordeal to be their burden, they would hear conversations and get scared sometimes. I decided that all conversations would have to be away from the kids, so then it seemed like we were never around them. We were always behind a closed door talking. Have my kids been left out, YES. Did we waste valuable time that could have been spent with our kids on this stupidity, YES? Did we become so worried about who was watching us that we didn’t allow our kids a “normal” childhood, YES? Do we still continue to look over our shoulder, YES?

My marriage has suffered as well. The constant let down, that once again a settlement date would not be coming. The mailed check couldn’t get here, then UPS and FedEx, then the private courier service couldn’t deliver. None of this making any sense to us, we could order from amazon and get those packages. Another fight between us, I didn’t always show my disappointment, well, I felt that it was my job to stay positive and not allow this to get to me. Does he know that almost every day I cry while in the shower, well he will after he reads this post? He would get so lost in making plans for what we would do with the money when it finally came in, it was almost too much for me. I was excited for about the first year, then after the excuses and crazy things happening, I decided I would wait to get really excited, I still have my dreams of what I want to do, and one day I hope to be able to fulfill those dreams. I have always had trust issues in my life, and they aren’t any better now. I can’t even allow my husband the freedom to converse with those of you who have reached out to him without feeling threatened. I have this overwhelming fear that he will leave me because of everything we have been through, everything I have put him through, because after all, this all started because of the monster I was married to before. How can he not blame me? And he has told me that he does.. How can he look at me and not see the pain and disappointment I have caused him? Can we go back to being a couple that trusts and loves each other unconditionally…. I really truly hope so.

See this whole thing started because of my ex-husband, he stole my identity and used it to finance his new life. He was a convicted felon allowed to work at Senex Services in the collection recovery department. He used their resources illegally to find me. I had to take my children and leave because he had molested my oldest daughter. Throughout the court process he said under oath that he used my social security number at his job to find me. It took a little time to process what he said, but it finally clicked. I ordered a credit report, and then contacted the sheriff department. I was told that this was a case for the FBI. Once they were contacted, it took several months before an arrest, and then this whole situation started. Senex Services was at fault and facing a lawsuit by me because they allowed a felon to work there. It is against the law for a person with a felony to work in the financial industry, let alone a collection agency. Their sister and parent companies also allowed this, so our attorney went to court and filed some motions, and next thing we knew, this was so much bigger than we expected. We were supposed to receive a settlement check via our attorney on May 4, 2007. Of course, that didn’t happen or you wouldn’t be here reading this blog. That was the beginning of all the disappointments, arguments and tears that would be caused by someone who likes to play games with people’s lives. Well, as we have said before. WE are done.

I wish that we would have reached this “Done” point long before now. Even though we are done, and don’t plan to go back to this life. There are still other things to wrap up. You can’t just go back to normal after facing something like this for 8 years. I don’t think that what we once thought was normal could ever be the same. There are so many things you can’t just shut off. The damage that has been done, cannot be undone. You can’t forget the things you learned along the way, things you honestly wish that you didn’t have to know about our country, the people we choose to lead, the absolute corruptness of the “legal” system.

I question whether or not my marriage will survive the losses. I wonder how my kids will remember this time in our lives, will they hate me???? How do you just go back to how things were before, before the hopes and dreams of being financially independent? How do you function when there is still so much anger and heartache? How do you explain your feelings when you don’t even know what exactly you feel? How long will I feel numb, how much longer do I have to swim through the mud of our lives?

I know that the question was out there about whether or not we are really done, how can we not be? How could we continue on this path of constant disappointment and let downs?

My only hope is that we can one day get back to some sort of normalcy again in our family.

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